the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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