i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
