who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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