Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
