I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
