Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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