it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
