Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
