Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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