oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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