wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize