wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
