I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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