Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
do herpes really smell.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
