this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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