??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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