If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
