He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
