At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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