My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
