i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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