I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
