You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
