I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
