It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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