just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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