grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
