My hand turned me down
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
