Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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