I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
