Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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