Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
