I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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