If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
