I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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