ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a beard to bite.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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