I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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