fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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