I'm going to jail i love you
I faked an abortion last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
