Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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