So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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