All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
