is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
