Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
