your parents love me but you hate me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize