I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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