you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
