part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
