Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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