toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up under a house in Key West
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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