um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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