last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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