He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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