you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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