this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
