Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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