My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
