saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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