I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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