ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dick very happy bro
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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