Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
